I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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