My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
