So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Green mimosas i think yes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize