He felt like a one man threesome
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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