it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
