My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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