I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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