omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
