honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
