i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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