Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
