Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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