so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They took my balls.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
