Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
