TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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