I'm so fucking centered right now
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
