This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
