Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
