he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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