Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
