I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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