i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
