too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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