I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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