just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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