So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
bring money and cleavage
she told me i tasted like america
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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