I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
