Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
