I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have fence marks all over my body
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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