I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
