you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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