I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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