Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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