It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
