the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
