I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why is there bacon in the couch?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
