Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
