My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
