I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
