Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
