First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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