When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have tasted many bathrooms
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize