Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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