In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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