There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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