it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My life is pants optional.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize