I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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