dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
