everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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