Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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