dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
