Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize