i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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