I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
