I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
