I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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