we're blogging at a bar
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
