no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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