i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
