I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
dude. I can hear the air.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
