Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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