someone threw a dead crab at me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
