I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize