So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
