I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
