YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize