Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
