they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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