i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
