He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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