i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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