Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize