so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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