btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
