He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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