Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
