put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
