I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
