I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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