found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
