is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
