He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
