do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
