Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
