Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
