3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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