I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
