Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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