so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
