How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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