Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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