Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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