Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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