she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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