I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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