You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
