I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
