hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
