I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize