Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
