god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
