whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
