are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
