Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
